The Apple

“Pssst. I have a secret.”
“What?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
“I didn’t care anyways.”
“That’s good. Cause I wasn’t gonna tell you.”
*Awkward pause*
“Fine I’ll tell you.”
“But I don’t care. Really. Don’t give a shit about what you have to say.”
“I stole Mrs. Adam’s apple.”
“The smiley face one?”
“Ya.”
“But its right there on her desk. I see it.”
“No you don’t. I stole it.”
*Awkward pause*
Mrs. Adam: “Who stole my apple?”
*Nobody raises their hands*
“But I see it right there!”
“No you don’t. It’s stolen.”
*The class nods in agreement.*
*Act this part out…*
“Let me tell you a little secret about that apple you filthy scoundrels. Last year, I went to the local dealer at the corner of Weed and Cr ack to get my weekly supply of pot. I bought his apple for $799.91. He told me it was magic. So that day as I walked home, a little bit of weed in my back pockets, I saw God. He came to me in the form of a crossing guard to warn of my future. She said ‘I hope you get hit by a car and die and burn in hell for eternity.’ At first, I didn’t know what to think of it. So I continued walking. Then I realized I was walking the wrong way. So I turned around and waited for the crossguard. But she wasn’t there anymore! As I walked across the street, unprotected, I was hit by a car. And that’s where I got the apple. It magically fell out of the sky and into my pocket. I’m sure it wasn’t there before. Anyways, so I was on the ground screaming in immense pain and agony, and then I realized that the apple was God. And the crossing guard was Jesus. So I ate the apple and went back home. I was hungry. So I went to the refrigerator, and believe it or not, there was an apple! I left it at home and came to school this morning to teach you rotten failures. And now the apple isn’t in my desk drawer.”
*End acting*
“NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU RABID OOMPA- LOOMPAS TOOK MY APPLE!?!?”
:P i felt stupid 2day