THE ANSWER!!!

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? It varies.
Situation 1. The question is flatly incorrect in its quoted statement “if a woodchuck could chuck wood”, suggesting to the reader that a woodchuck could not chuck wood. However, from such a name as “woodchuck”, an enlightened one would infer that a woodchuck could, in fact, chuck wood. In this scenario, the answer would obviously be, as much as a woodchuck can chuck before its life ends. So a 6 year living woodchuck chucking wood at 0.7 pounds a day could chuck whole trees of wood. However, this is highly improbable as nothing short of a retarded bird would lead a fruitless life chucking wood. But retarded woodchucks there must be. So the answer. How much wood could a retarded woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck is capable of chucking wood at the steady and insanely productive rate of 0.7 pounds a day? 1,533 pounds of wood.
Situation 2. A woodchuck can’t chuck wood. Answer? 1792 pounds. A retarded bird could easily try to eat wood, spit it out, and try again at a significantly faster rate than pecking. Either way, a woodchuck can chuck a whole lot of wood and is an obvious threat to humanity.

I have just been informed woodchucks are none other but
MOLES!
Haha! Bet you didn’t see that one coming. Neither did I.

Straight from my 15 minute journal entry unedited and unrevised