The History of Zurp

In the small country of Zurp on a large partially-submerged plateau 46 miles North off the coast of the Nile Delta, there lived a tribal community of tribal people called the Durp. The Durp, being Nurpu, followed The Book of Nurp, (The One And Holy) which clearly stated to be Nurpu. So when the Romans conquered all the Mediterranean and, synonymous with Christianity, converted all their loathsome subjects to Latin, and only just, the Zurp, in a moment of ingenious innovation, realized that to protect The Book Of Nurp (The One And Holy) from being polluted by the Christian word of Latin, they would need to write in a new fashion. The tribal leader at the time in 174, who chanced be named Burp, announced that The Book Of Nurp (The One And Holy) from then on would be transcribed with various chromatic beetle shells. He called it "Mylangawij" but his royal advisor called it Callicimex, beautiful bug, so that was what it was called. The Book of Nurp was never published in this manner because beetle shells were rare on the partially-submerged plateau and all too unique and so the Zurp changed to writing alphabetic characters that only barely resembled beetle shells.
Burp, who had inherited 7 generations worth of royal inbreeding went crazy and was marooned in Spain within four months. He lived a very long and jubilant life as a royal flyswatter for emperor Marcus Aurelius Commodus Antonius Augustus.
On the same day Burp got hired, a black monolith appeared overnight on the partially-submerged plateau and the remaining Zurps went on to build a plasma cannon out of a palm tree and fish marrow. With this powerful new weapon, the Zurp conquered the Mediterranean as all cowered beneath the shininess of such a mammoth object (it was very light). The royal family lived in a palace of titanium alloy in The City of the Royal Zurps. However, 45 years after conquering the Ancient World, the Royal Zurps were suffering from a terribly-debilitating bout of inbreeding and became vulnerable to rebellious rumors. Seeing his chance, the royal bathroom-flusher (his name was Burp), lifted the massive plasma gun above his head and threw it at the royal palace of titanium alloy. Unfortunately, his toga snagged on the trigger and the gun dissolved The City of the Royal Zurps and all within. This marked the end of the Zurp Dynasty (in 208). The plasma gun was destroyed on violent impact with the ground and the Roman imperial bloodlines continued with Publius Septimius Geta Augustus, who won his way back into power in a ping-pong match against his brother. However, Callicimex, or as the public called it, Zurp, remained.

Update: If elected on the WP, the story of Giovanni Cartucci will continue to its third installment after this.

Update 2: http://crimsoncradle.com will be up by next week!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!
http://crimsoncradle.blogspot.com/2010/09/lady-in-bun.html